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Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest!

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Home » Blog » CAREGIVING » RESOURCES » CAREGIVING HAS TO ALWAYS STARTS WITH LOVE

March 13, 2017 By Rena McDaniel 7 Comments

CAREGIVING HAS TO ALWAYS STARTS WITH LOVE

Caregiving Always Starts With Love https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/2014/04/caregiving-always-starts-with-love/

When you take care of someone who has Alzheimer’s disease or dementia you have to live in the moment. You have to learn that the way you once thought about things is no longer relevant. It doesn’t do any good to constantly remind someone what it is that they are forgetting. They can’t comprehend it and it just leads to more confusion, frustration and hurt feelings.

Imagine if someone was constantly criticizing you about what you were doing. You would get pretty upset. They are not forgetting. The problem is that their brain never registered the information in the first place. It would be like posting a blank article and then being asked what it was about. Could you do that? Of course not, and neither can a person who has Alzheimer’s remember that they have just eaten 15 minutes ago. The part of the brain that registers new information and decides where it should be stored no longer works so it has nowhere to go. Literally, in one ear and out the other.

Alzheimer’s starts with the most important part of the brain, the hippocampus, and completely wipes it out. From there it slowly and meticulously begins to erase every single part of the brain. This continues until the brain can no longer tell the heart to beat or the lungs to breath That is a scary thought, isn’t it? You could compare it to a virus on the computer, it slowly erases every document every picture then moves on to programs and finally the hard drive.

It is a scary diagnosis not only for the patient but for the whole family. If you are like me and are in the position of caregiver it is especially hard. You have been the child all of your life and suddenly you are thrust into the role of parent. It can become confusing for both of you. It’s a hard line to cross and when your parent doesn’t realize that they are having problems (even that is from the AD) it can make it even harder. Not only are you struggling with parenting your parent, they struggle with feeling like a child.

The best way to combat this, I am slowly finding out, is to just take things day by day. Some days are full on chaos and others are a slow gentle slide. I never talk to mom as if she were a child. I always treat her with respect she deserves. I get frustrated and angry just like every other caregiver in the world but the trick is not to show it. I have become a great actress over the last few years. The most important thing of all is to ALWAYS show her love.

We let her needs drive our schedule and that is okay with us. I am lucky that I get to do this job. I know that sounds crazy right!? I could not stand for a stranger to be taking care of my mom not while I am able to do it. Things may change in later stages, although I hope not as I will continue to take care of her as long as I am able to keep her healthy and safe.

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest. ~The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver.

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Filed Under: RESOURCES, TIPS, TIPS Tagged With: Caregiver tips, Family, relationships

About Rena McDaniel

I'm a recovering Alzheimer's Caregiver, a former loving daughter, a current wife, mom, and grandma who remembers all too clearly what it is like on the front lines of Alz Caregiving. I provide real advice, pro tips, or excellent tools from my own experiences and other experts I find along the way. A community of caregivers supporting each other!

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Comments

  1. Paula Kiger (Big Green Pen) says

    April 27, 2015 at 10:51 am

    Your posts always help me understand what is going on with my father in law, Rena. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      April 27, 2015 at 10:59 am

      Thank you Paula it’s always so tough to figure things out sometimes. Hope you found some things to help you. I’m always around if you have questions or just need to talk. My email is rm29303@gmail.com.

      Reply
  2. Liv says

    March 14, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    You are amazing Rena. And Alzheimer’s is awful.

    Reply
  3. Mithra Ballesteros says

    March 15, 2017 at 9:14 am

    Your computer analogy is apt. And terrifying. What an insidious evil disease. I do enjoy reading about your experience, though. Your descriptions of the day-to-day reality are fascinating. Have you ever tried fiction?

    Reply
  4. Antionette Blake says

    March 15, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    God bless you for all that you do and share!

    Reply
  5. Abby@Midlifecrsisisnut says

    March 16, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    You’re absolutely right, Rena! Caregiving is indeed a job of patience and love. But we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves neither. Since like you said it does get frustrating at times, but we should absolutely reserve the right to feel what we feel, even if it’s anger and frustration. Hope you’re doing well? Lots of love to you ! xx Abby

    Reply
  6. inhome care says

    April 23, 2017 at 10:12 am

    Receiving home health care helps to reduce unavoidable readmissions to the hospital, and studies have shown that patients recuperating from illness, injury, or surgical procedures heal more quickly and more successfully when recovering at home versus in a medical facility.

    Reply

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