The Diary of An Alzheimer's Caregiver

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest!

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Home » Blog » OUR LIFE » MY STORIES » CAREGIVING IS A LIFETIME OF CHANGE

August 11, 2014 By Rena McDaniel 141 Comments

CAREGIVING IS A LIFETIME OF CHANGE

Caregiving is a lifetime of change  https://thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/2014/08/caregiving-lifetime-change/

PT. 8 CAREGIVER SERIES

“How We Got Here”

The night of January 10, 2014, ended on a fairly even note, but I knew things had to change. I could not go through another day like the one I had just survived. It was my 44th birthday and it had been awful. One I would never be able to forget and yes, I still couldn’t talk!

I went into my bedroom, my sanctuary from craziness, armed with my sweet tea (as usual), my tablet (as always), a broken heart and a feeling that if I didn’t figure some things out we would all go crazy.

I went to my old friend Google at first and just looked up Alzheimer’s Disease. Of course, I got the meaning, symptoms, and signs, but I already knew that. I had taken mom to two doctors already. I needed to know how to learn to live with it on a daily basis to keep myself from going insane.

 

I found an interesting website called the Alzheimer Reading Room (those that are here often know I talk about this site all the time), but this was my very first visit. That article I read “Communicating in Alzheimer’s World“, I believe it saved our lives. I read it twice and cried so hard because these were the answers I needed to hear. I actually left a comment and it’s funny I looked back to make sure I copied the link to that article correctly and my first comments ever made on any Social Media are right there…still. It brings back tears to see what I wrote and to remember the desperation and the depression I was feeling.

You see when I was released from the hospital one of the Dr.s that was taking care of me brought me a name and a phone number for a therapist. She didn’t want to upset me, but she knew I was depressed and overwhelmed and wanted me to talk to someone about it. I guess eventually I did…it was just Bob DeMarco and then all of you. If you go back and read this article and I really hope you do, check out the comments at the bottom.

 

Mr. DeMarco answered me back almost immediately. Somebody had actually heard me and was throwing me a life preserver. I stayed up that whole night reading article after article. The more I read the more confident I became. At first I was a little too gungho. I made so many changes at once that I overwhelmed myself that way. I started a rigorous exercise program, quit smoking and made many more changes.

Over these many months I have tried to figure out what works for us. I am ashamed to say that I picked smoking back up after quitting for two months, the exercise comes as it can for me with RA. If I can’t walk it doesn’t mean mom can’t. I have neighbors that keep an eye on her and since we live on a dead end road we are good for now. I know this will not always be okay. She stops and visits so I always know what houses she has been past and sitting on the front porch I can see all but about 500 feet of her walk.

I use many tips and tricks to make our life easier. Some days are good, some are great and some are just barely getting by. The main thing that I had to learn was that I can’t change mom, that was never going to happen. I had to change myself, how I thought about Alzheimer’s and most importantly that I WAS NOT ALONE as I had first believed. It is mom’s world now, we just live in it. If she says it’s raining out and the sun is shining brightly in our house, it’s raining. Whatever she says that’s just the way it is.

Remember to:

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest.

I love you momma!

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Filed Under: MY STORIES, OUR LIFE, STORIES, STORIES Tagged With: Caregiver tips, Caregiver traits, caregiving

About Rena McDaniel

I'm a recovering Alzheimer's Caregiver, a former loving daughter, a current wife, mom, and grandma who remembers all too clearly what it is like on the front lines of Alz Caregiving. I provide real advice, pro tips, or excellent tools from my own experiences and other experts I find along the way. A community of caregivers supporting each other!

« MY ALZHEIMER’S CAREGIVER DAY FROM HELL
WHAT IN THE WORLD IS EHLERS-DANLOS SYNDROME? »

Comments

  1. Terry says

    August 11, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Being a caregiver is very challenging. My Dad is gone now, but he could be very stubborn at times.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 9:28 am

      It is very challenging but there are also alot of cherished memories that we are making!

      Reply
      • Amanda McMahon says

        August 13, 2014 at 12:10 am

        You’re right – it is important to remember what you can and contribute to being a positive force.

        Reply
        • Rena McDaniel says

          August 13, 2014 at 9:28 pm

          I have found that whomever is around her at any given time she will reflect their mood. If your stressed, angry or sad she will mirror those feelings and emotions. In the same token if you remain calm are upbeat and cheerful she will feel that and mimic it. Things go much easier if you try to stay with the later.

          Reply
  2. maria says

    August 11, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Great suggestion! I work in long term care and also love Hard Choices for Loving People. Such a sad book but inspirational and helps one accept their choices they have made with love.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 9:29 am

      I will have to check into that one thank you Maria!

      Reply
  3. Jen - Life With Levi says

    August 11, 2014 at 10:00 am

    My grandmother suffered from Alheimers and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever seen happen to a person. It’s incredibly hard for the person and their family to see them slip away.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      It is Jen and I know that it will get much, much worse. Right now we are just trying to enjoy as much as we can before it does. Thanks so much for stopping by!

      Reply
  4. Jennifer Williams says

    August 11, 2014 at 10:41 am

    You have such a difficult job, being a caregiver is tough enough – being a caregiver for someone with alzheimer’s is one of the hardest jobs out there. Stay strong.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      Thanks Jennifer this is my outlet for all that stress and it is such a great stress reliever to be able to pour it all out sometimes.

      Reply
  5. Kristen from The Road to Domestication says

    August 11, 2014 at 10:55 am

    It’s so important to find a good support system when dealing with these kinds of issues! So glad you found your doc, and that you are using your experiences to help others, too!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      This was way cheaper than therapy Kristen! Sorry that probably wasn’t appropriate because it is hard but if we can’t laugh we would be crying and I would much rather laugh whenever I can!

      Reply
  6. Samantha Angell says

    August 11, 2014 at 11:09 am

    So wonderful you were able to make it through a tough time. It is important to know that others out there care and have had similar- or even the same- experiences as you. You aren’t alone!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Thank you so much for your support Samantha. I always love hearing from you and every time I see your name I think of wedding dresses and hockey sticks and it makes me smile…every single time!

      Reply
  7. Lana says

    August 11, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Getting support and advice from others who had been there was the thing that helped us the most in our journey. You are so right that you can’t change the other person – you have to change how you respond to her. You’re doing such an amazing job!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      Thanks Lana! I love my mom and only want to do what is best for her. I know I make mistakes all the time but I am trying my best and that is all we can do. Thanks for always being here for me!

      Reply
  8. Kori says

    August 11, 2014 at 11:32 am

    My daughter has autism, and being a 24 hour caregiver in addition to every day life is taxing. But definitely rewarding. It’s nice to know that you aren’t alone in that though.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      You are so right Kori! My nephew was diagnosed with autism when he was three years old so I have a small idea of what you are going through. I have always believed that my husband is an un-diagnosed case of autism just because of the things I have read about it. It must be so hard for you, but you are not alone. I am here if you ever need to rant or rave.

      Reply
  9. Michelle F. says

    August 11, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    I am going to share that website with my mom who cares for my grandmother. Sounds like a great place to get support and resources.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      I would be glad for her to join up Michelle maybe she would be interested in writing a story about her experiences as a caregiver. Sometimes that is all a caregiver needs is their voices to be heard. Let me know if she would be interested if not we are still glad to have her!

      Reply
  10. Jen V says

    August 11, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    I am so glad you were able to find answers and support. Caregiving for a declining parent is never easy, but I am sure deep down your mom appreciates being there with you.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:26 am

      Thanks so much Jen!

      Reply
  11. Diane says

    August 11, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    What an enormous load you carry each day! And you do it with such grace! I’m going over to read the article you highlighted. You are such an example to me!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Are you kidding Diane, you are my hero!!!!!! I have looked up to you since the first time I read your blog way back when I was still on blogger! When I write, I always go back and read as if I were you. Would you like it, would you approve. I know I will never get mom’s approval for what I am doing she doesn’t understand, actually she just tells me I’m lazy believe it or not, because I spend a lot of time writing and she doesn’t understand the RA either but I know in my mind that it’s not her saying it, sometimes I have to remind my heart!

      Reply
  12. Kay Adeola says

    August 11, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    You must have gone through a lot but it is good that you know you are not alone.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 11, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      Some days are great, some days are good and we get by on the rest. She’s alive and that’s better than not to me! THanks Kay!

      Reply
  13. Carol Cassara says

    August 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    this is the 2nd time today I’ve said that a sense of humor is a great survival tool! It applies in so many circumstances.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:26 am

      With a great sense of humor you can survive anything!

      Reply
  14. akshayravi says

    August 11, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    you are a very strong woman..may god give you the strength to survive all the obstacles in your way..

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:27 am

      Thank you so much akshayravi! what wonderful words.

      Reply
  15. Touristmeetstraveler says

    August 11, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    I’ve never had to take care of someone who’s had Alzeheimers before, though from this post I can tell that it’s no easy task at all.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:28 am

      No it’s probably the hardest thing I have every done.

      Reply
  16. Marcia @ Menopausal Mother says

    August 11, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    I’m so glad you found a lifeline in Dr.Demarco and that now, looking back, you can see how far you have come in handling your situation.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:28 am

      I hope every caregiver finds his site Marcia it has helped me so much. Whenever I come to a problem I go there first and foremost.

      Reply
  17. celebbabylaundry says

    August 11, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    I couldn’t imagine the struggle of becoming a caregiver for someone with Alzeheimers.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:29 am

      It is very hard.

      Reply
  18. Amanda Love says

    August 11, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    I’ve personally never had to deal with Alzheimers but I can certainly understand the stress that it can put on on family members. Thank you for sharing that site so that if I’m ever in that position I can have a life preserver like you did.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:30 am

      I hope so Amanda but I hope more than anything you never have to deal with it.

      Reply
  19. Heather says

    August 11, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Of course I would do this for a loved one, but I don’t know how well I’d handle it.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:31 am

      You would surprise yourself Heather. You find strengths and weaknesses you never knew you had.

      Reply
  20. Tough Cookie Mommy says

    August 11, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    My great uncle had Alzheimer’s and I recall how difficult it was for my grandparents to care for him. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you embark on this caregiver journey.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:32 am

      Thank you so much!

      Reply
  21. Ann Bacciaglia says

    August 11, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Being a caregiver would be hard yet rewarding. It must be exhaughsting at times.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:42 am

      Yes sometimes it is Ann.

      Reply
  22. carra d says

    August 11, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    My old neighbor had Alzheimer’s . When we first moved in.we didn’t know . She would sit on the porch every day and when I’d come home she asked the same questions. What floor do you live on? Are you married children? Eventullay she remembered me , she was so sweet. I would sometimes sit and she would tell email about Greece, NYC, dress tailoring, and not to get old lol. One of my favorite things is when she saw my cat (he’s black & white with long white whiskers) she said I love his mustache lol I miss her

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:43 am

      What a sweet memory Carra! Thank you for sharing.

      Reply
  23. Anna says

    August 11, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    I commend anyone who’s a caregiver. I’m honestly dreading the day I have to take care of one of my parents. I have very little patience for things and I’m always in a hurry to go go go…

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Thank you Anna. It was something I new would be coming down the road. I just thought the road would be longer.

      Reply
  24. Cory says

    August 11, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    It’s really uplifting to see that you were able to find the support you needed. My grandfather is currently struggling with Alzheimer’s and it is heartbreaking to watch. But great point, always remember that you are not alone.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:45 am

      This is so true Cory. I am sorry about your grandfather. I hope you will seek support through this difficult time.

      Reply
  25. Haralee says

    August 11, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    I admire you so much for taking on the role as your Mother’s caregiver!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Thank you so much Haralee.

      Reply
  26. Lois Alter Mark says

    August 11, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    I’m so glad you found someone who could help. What a challenge caregiving is. Sending out good thoughts to you and your mom.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Thank you so much Lois.

      Reply
  27. FamiGami says

    August 11, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Your challenge is a big one but you face it bravely every day with the graciousness to share your experience with others. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:48 am

      Thank you so much what a beautiful thing to say!

      Reply
  28. Tami says

    August 11, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    You are an inspiration to so many. When I read your posts, I am reminded that everyone has their personal struggles but we are all doing the best that we can, with what we’ve got. I strive to be a better person everyday because of people like you.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:49 am

      What a wonderful thing to say Tami. This actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much! Sometimes as a caregiver especially to an Alzheimer’s patient you feel so unappreciated. This was nice.

      Reply
  29. veronica says

    August 11, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    It has to be a hard job being a caregiver. My mom does that for a living. She has more patience than I do.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:53 am

      God bless your mother Veronica is a VERY hard job. I can’t imagine doing it for a stranger she must be a very special lady.

      Reply
  30. Gabby says

    August 11, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    I think that knowing that you are not alone must be a little helpful. One can breath a little easier knowing that there is someone they can relate to that can help them if they need it.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:54 am

      You are so right Gabby!

      Reply
  31. Roch says

    August 11, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    Awww that’s both sad but uplifting. I would never know how hard it feels like someone I love is in the same situation.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Thank you Roch

      Reply
  32. Christie says

    August 11, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    I’ve cared for the very young. I couldn’t imagine from the other side

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:55 am

      It’s alot of the same Christie! You wouldn’t believe how much.

      Reply
  33. becca says

    August 11, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Being a caregiver is one of the hardest jobs ever.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:56 am

      So agreed Becca!

      Reply
  34. Amber NElson says

    August 11, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    I can’t even imagine. What a patient and brave person a caregiver is.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Sometimes neither do I Amber!

      Reply
  35. Carly from The Puzzled Palate says

    August 11, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    The internet is so valuable for making connections like this. My daughter is autistic and having the support of an online community has been priceless!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:58 am

      You are so right Carly! No matter what your struggle is, everybody has them and connecting with other people could make a huge difference.

      Reply
  36. Nolie says

    August 11, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    It takes a special person to be a caregiver. Thanks for the great inspirational post.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:58 am

      Thank you Nolie!

      Reply
  37. Marielle Altenor says

    August 11, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    I can only pray that I don’t ever have to know what it feels like see the ones you love suffer from this disease. Praying that you have good days.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Thank you so much Marielle!

      Reply
  38. Annie says

    August 12, 2014 at 12:50 am

    Caregiving is a very difficult job to do. A good laugh is needed for sure!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      So true Annie!

      Reply
  39. samantha says

    August 12, 2014 at 3:06 am

    I haven’t had to do this but i have seen what its like for someone else, it can be hard but its worth the memories you make while you can,

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

      So true Samantha!

      Reply
  40. bodynsoil says

    August 12, 2014 at 6:04 am

    Thank you for sharing your journey, I’m learning a lot from reading your blog..

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      Thank you very much what a nice thing to say.

      Reply
  41. Rebecca Swenor says

    August 12, 2014 at 6:27 am

    I love how you have made changes along with how you feel now with the things you now realize. You are a inspiration to many and you really should feel so good for that. I have always loved your quote at the end of each post also. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      What a beautiful thing to say Rebecca and I thank you very much.

      Reply
  42. Mandi says

    August 12, 2014 at 7:55 am

    My mom passed away not too long after receiving her cancer diagnosis, but I remember thinking that we could fight it, that we could go on and I’d just stay home from school (I was in high school) and take care of her. My entire life would have been different, I’m 100% positive of that. Anyone who makes the decision to care for someone long-term is an unhung hero in my book.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Oh Mandi, I am so sorry about your mother. It is never easy but I also lost my father when I was in high school and I don’t think it is something that you ever get over especially at that difficult age.

      Reply
  43. Rosey says

    August 12, 2014 at 8:59 am

    I think it’s wonderful that you found relief in online support. And now you’re offering the same to others here!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      Thank you Rosey. This is so much cheaper than therapy! Just kidding!

      Reply
  44. Rena McDaniel says

    August 12, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Thank you so much Dawn what a beautiful thing to say.

    Reply
  45. Leira Pagaspas says

    August 12, 2014 at 11:51 am

    I think the most important thing that I want to remind you is that You are not alone. Eventhough things can get crazy and overwhelming don’t forget that you are not alone.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      Thank you Leira you are so sweet!

      Reply
  46. Angela Johnson says

    August 12, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    Such an amazing, yet difficult job you have! Prayers your way!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Thanks Angela!

      Reply
  47. Risa says

    August 12, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    It is good to know there are so many people out to support you and can identify with what you are going through. The internet is very useful for things like that these days!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      Yes, it is Risa. I sometimes think about how people years ago had to deal with these issues.

      Reply
  48. Krystal says

    August 12, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Interesting post. GLad to hear of the new developments.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      Thanks Krystal!

      Reply
  49. Michael says

    August 12, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    Hi Rena….it can be very overwhelming indeed in dealing with a Alzheimer’s patient. Lori’s mom started showing signs back in 02 and by the time we got married,it was there. I think her dad did a remarkable job in caring for her but he wasn’t as open minded as you were in reading up on it and getting yourself ready. You are a lovely daughter to embrace your momma and to care for her. My only concern is knowing what your limitations are,if it gets too much,can you recognize that and seek out long term help? I think you are brave in sharing your story..

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      Thank you Michael and this is something I think about alot. I know I have my own health concerns and today I feel fine but one day I might not. I basically deal with it on a day by day basis. If it should come to a point that I could no longer do it then I would make other arrangements. I will always be her caregiver even if she gets to a point where I couldn’t do it 24/7. I hope I could recognize it but if not my husband would and he wouldn’t take the chance of my getting ill again. I wouldn’t put him through it. It was a very tough time for us as you can imagine. I am actually writing a series about that next so stay tuned…so to answer your question I would hope that I would be able to recognize it and either arrange for help here or in an assisted living environment. I just want to keep her with me as long as possible but not at the risk of my health or marriage. I really enjoy these little chats with you. Hope you will stick around, I followed your blog this morning even off the thread. So I will get all of your posts in my email. I really enjoy them.

      Reply
  50. Sandy Sandler says

    August 12, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing all of this. I’ve never been a caregiving but know a lot of friends who are. I will share your site with them.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      I hope you will Sandy and that of the Alzheimer’s Reading Room. While I am learning about ALZ on a daily basis I know what it is to feel isolated and alone!

      Reply
  51. Kath Rivera says

    August 12, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Caregiving is very challenging and it takes a lot of courage and patience to cope with everyday life. My father is a dialysis patient and I also experienced many negative things but I always think positively because at the end of the day their life is one of the most important to us.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 12, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      Exactly Kathy I couldn’t have said it better myself! I am sorry for your family and I hope things go well with you. Thank you. I will keep you in my prayers.

      Reply
  52. Chrissy says

    August 12, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    A caregiver is a very hard thing to do especially when it’s for your parents.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      That’s for sure Chrissy that makes it alot harder because it changes the whole parent/child relationship.

      Reply
  53. Bonnie @ wemake7 says

    August 12, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Your right, your not alone. Having others to talk to is helpful. I used to be a caretaker for a lot of different people and my last client had Alzheimers or at least showing signs of it. I’m glad that you post about what your going through. Take care.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      Thank you Bonnie. That’s the worst thing about being a caregiver to family or anyone for that matter. You begin to feel isolated like you have been left out of the world and don’t know what’s going on this usually leads to depression.

      Reply
  54. Liz Mays says

    August 12, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    I love reading about your journey because you give so much hope. However, you don’t sugarcoat it either.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      Thanks Liz what a nice thing to say!

      Reply
  55. Toni says

    August 12, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    You have taken on such a big responsibility. I admire your strength.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 1:34 pm

      Thank you Toni, although I don’t always feel strong.

      Reply
  56. The Chef's Wife | Anne @TheSatEvePot says

    August 12, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    I have always thought how awful it would be to deal with Alzheimer’s “up close and personal” … bless you for all you are doing to try to keep yourself as healthy and balanced as possible while taking care of your mom and trying to better understand the “new normal”.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 1:35 pm

      Thank you very much. Learning that mom will never change was a big eye opener for me. I thought if I just reminded her enough she would finally be okay. That didn’t turn out so great. Luckily I found the help I need when I needed it the most.

      Reply
  57. Rachel says

    August 12, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    Thanks for this! My grandmother has Alzheimer’s and my mom takes care of her too. It’s such a sad disease.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:31 pm

      Yes it Rachel in so many ways and on so many levels.

      Reply
  58. Kathy says

    August 12, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    I watched my grandfather struggle with Alzheimer’s. It was a very difficult process to watch. I have a huge respect for what you are doing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:33 pm

      Thank you Kathy but I really don’t have a choice. She’s my mother, I love her and she needs me end of story for me.

      Reply
  59. Karen @BakingInATornado says

    August 12, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    I’ve not been in your situation, but in general I think the best steps in any stressful situation is finding a support community and finding someone to talk to individually. You’re so lucky to have landed on that website. It was meant to be.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:40 pm

      I have been blessed in so many ways since that night. I was given the knowledge and guidance I needed when I needed it most. It really changed my whole life. It opened a whole new world for me. Not only the knowledge I’ve gained about Alzheimer’s but also Felty’s syndrome and even Social Media. That article was like sticking my little toe in the water. Now I have dove straightmin and it has brought me knowledge, support and lots of new friends like you Karen!

      Reply
  60. jane says

    August 12, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    deal with it and accept everything. its not easy but its already there. acceptance will be make it more light and good day by day and get used to it until you can notice that its not like there anymore. Goodluck to you dear all the best!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:41 pm

      Yhank you Jane!

      Reply
  61. Geanine says

    August 12, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Great post. I recently lost my grandma although she didn’t have Alzheimer’s she was persistent and could be aggressive at times. In the end I learned as you did to just agree and we argued less.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:42 pm

      That’s it, when I discovered my need to be right was what was driving up the stress level I was shocked. Letting that go was so hard but so worth it.

      Reply
  62. Dawn McAlexander says

    August 12, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    Though I have never personally known anyone with Alzheimer’s, my husband’s grandmother had it. He talks about her struggles often.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      I hope your life manages to avoid it forever Dawn! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

      Reply
  63. suzanne barber says

    August 12, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    What a wonderful post! I have not had to care for a parent yet but I know my day will come. And, I can only hope that I will care for them as lovingly as they cared for me growing up. You have a wonderful perspective and I am so glad you have a strong support base. My Aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimers when she was just in her late 50’s and I have seen first hand the effect this disease has on the individual and those close to them. Many prayers for your mother and you and your family.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Thank you so much Suzanne. My parents were so loving during my childhood, myfather died suddenly when I was 15. So I feel I owe it to her because she took such good care of us.

      Reply
  64. Aisha Kristine Chong says

    August 13, 2014 at 12:34 am

    It is not an easy route to take thus, I think highly of those who can engage with it as it takes a lot of patience, resolve to work in that field.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Thank you Aisha!

      Reply
  65. Patricia says

    August 13, 2014 at 8:09 am

    I commend you for being a caregiver to your mom. Not only is being a caregiver hard but I think it is harder when it is our parent whom we love dearly. I am glad you are finding it therapeutic by writing. We all need something that helps us with our daily lives. Your mom is very lucky to have you.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:49 pm

      Thank you Patricia, I have been very lucky for 44 years to have her.

      Reply
  66. Herchel Scruggs says

    August 13, 2014 at 10:54 am

    I don’t have any experience as an Alzheimer’s caregiver but I am the caregiver to a young child with Juvenile Arthritis and chronic pain. Finding other parent’s going through the same hardships made a world of difference.

    I also started taking much better care of myself because I have to stay healthy so that all my focus can be on helping my daughter.

    I love the post, Rena and hugs.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:53 pm

      Thank you and I believe I recently read your blog about your beautiful daughter. Having Felty’s syndrome I know about her pain. It makes me so sad to think of a child going through that and you too as her parent. I hope God watches over your family. The way you have chosen to deal with it and teach her to be responsible for her own health really impressed me and touched my heart. She is a fighter and I will be cheering for her and you!

      Reply
  67. Ashley Nicholas says

    August 13, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    We recently lost my grandmother to Alzheimer’s, so I know that it’s a very hard process to go through! Your love, compassion, and patience will be rewarded one day, and it WILL make a difference to your mother! I also recently lost my mother, and I’d give anything to have another day to spend with her.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 13, 2014 at 9:56 pm

      Talk about putting it into prospective Ashley! I am so sorry for the loss that you have had to endure. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you I really needed to hear this tonight of all nights.

      Reply
  68. Onica {MommyFactor} says

    August 14, 2014 at 2:45 am

    Care giving is a lot of work. You need to make sure your loved one is cared for while respecting their needs. Its not always easy but it has rewarding moments.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 15, 2014 at 9:37 am

      That’s so true Onica, thanks for reading!

      Reply
  69. Carol Cassara says

    August 14, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    this brings back so many memories of my own journey with Dad.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 14, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      I’m amazed everyday how many people are affected by Alzheimer’s Disease.

      Reply
  70. Aussa Lorens says

    August 14, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    The acceptance that you’re living in HER world now, that is perfect. I feel that way when dealing with patients who have incredibly severe symptoms.

    I’m glad I read this today. I had lunch with my Grandmother, who has dementia, earlier today. My Mom takes care of her and I think having a community of support has been immensely helpful for her as well.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 14, 2014 at 9:54 pm

      The need to do be right isn’t always what’s best. It’s more imortant for them to feel loved, safe and protected. Thanks Aussa best wishes for your grandma! And blessing for your whole family.

      Reply

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