Let’s face it, the holidays are always a little a whole helluva a lot stressful, aren’t they?
I find that if I acknowledge that right up front then I am better prepared for what may arise.
Whether you are hosting Christmas festivities at your house, you are going down the street to see relatives, or God help you, flying across the country trying to make it home before it is officially over Christmas!
If you are taking care of someone with dementia there are ways that you can make the holidays a little less stressful!
1. One of the best things that I’ve come across is the family email.
Sending an email to the ones who will be gathering together explaining the things that might be upsetting or confusing is your first line of defense. This especially handy for relatives that may not be around most of the time. Sending one email to multiple people can save you time, can diffuse the tension that might arise later while it also gives relatives that live far away a heads up on what to expect.
2. Try to have the celebration in your loved one’s surroundings or at least somewhere they are familiar.
If you would normally have an evening celebration consider changing it to a brunch/lunch/breakfast instead of at night. If you can’t change it then make sure the room is well-lit and try and have it in a home your loved one is familiar with.
3. Bring out those old family traditions, that familiarity is very important.
Chances are if it’s a tradition that ‘s been around for a while the person with dementia might remember at least parts of it. If you would normally sing carols around the piano on Christmas Eve then continue to sing! Even if they forget the actual act they remember how it made them feel and therefore has a calming effect.
4. Let your loved one help you get things ready, as their abilities allow.
Wrapping presents, cooking food, helping with decorations, setting the table. It doesn’t have to be perfect. The year before last we had one of every placemat in the house around the table and you know what? It was beautiful. Helping will allow your loved one to feel involved in the whole process. Reassure them often, explaining what will happen next. Try to keep the chaos to a minimum but in most cases, children have their own special effects.
A holiday is still a holiday whether it is celebrated at home or at a care facility. Here are some ways to celebrate together if your loved one is in a memory care center:
- Consider joining your loved one in any facility-planned holiday activities
- Bring a favorite holiday food to share
- Sing holiday songs and ask if other residents can join in
- Read a favorite holiday story or poem out loud
- Look through old holiday pictures together
- Talk about your memories, but don’t include the “Do you remember? Just keep it at, “I remember…”
Just remember things are going to happen and expecting perfection will only ruin the holidays for you and your loved one. Enjoy the time you have together and give yourself break. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
I love how you look for ways to make things easier while still including your mum in it all – not pushing her into the background or minimizing her. Christmas would be a special time for her and it will be nice if it is as stress free as possible for you and the family. I bet you are also looking forward to sharing it with those grandbabies of yours!
Leanne@crestingthehill recently posted…fake it til you make it
These are all good points, Rena! I hope things run smoothly for you during the holiday gatherings.
When my father in law was in a care facility with extreme dementia, my sister in law would bring her guitar over and sing with him. Especially at the holidays, he and the other residents would all join in and sing. Remembering lyrics and tunes was one of the key highlights for my father in law. And you are so right that early celebrations work better than later ones. Happy holidays to you and all of yours, Rena!
kymberlyfunfit recently posted…Cellulite: How Do I Reduce It?
Great advice! I hope this advice will be really helpful since the holidays are ultimately pretty stressful for everyone.
Anne P recently posted…How to Cope with Imposter Syndrome
Very important to make your parent or relative feel loved at the holidays. Even though
they might not intellectually know all the details of life around them, I’m sure they feel something and we who love them certainly do.
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I can’t help but think of how much easier everything would be if people just took a moment and listened to you! What practical, simple, yet effective suggestions. For every family, not just those dealing with the uncertainty of dementia. Thank you.
Fabulous tips Rena. The sundown effect is true. My Mom was best after lunch but before 4!She could remember songs and sang and clapped her hands and really enjoyed old familiar songs.
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Merry Christmas, Rena!
Bonnie K. Aldinger recently posted…Holiday Windows, Part 2: Daylight Hours
As usual, perfect ideas. Sending out an email so everyone is on the same page is a great idea. Music was the thing my mother-in-law always remembered, so we tried to incorporate music into all our gatherings.
Lana recently posted…It’s Not A Race
Another thoughtful post. Old songs do bring back associations and memories.
Sharing this, Rena.
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Hey Rena. I chanced on your blog through Corinne’s FB post.Firstly loved your positive and focused approach to the whole problem. You make it sound like a simple logical task, which it probably will be with proper planning and considerations in place. Secondly loved your blog design, elegant and welcoming. I recently put a post on my blog on Dementia to spread an awareness for it. My grandma passed away a few years ago but her last years dealing with Alzheimer’s were traumatic for the whole family. God bless you and wishing you and mum a very happy festive season.
Sharing the link to my post on Dementia:
http://relaxnrave.blogspot.in/2015/12/couldnt-be-withoutwhat.html
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What a valid point with the evening stuff. I find myself whispering all the time when I put the kids to bed because I know someone will be upset about any noise. And I know for a fact that the holidays can be tough, which is why I’m stocking up on some high percentage spirit:) xx Abby
Rena – you have made some excellent suggestions here, and I am sure they helped a lot of families enjoy Christmas this year. I am finally getting here to read this post – I have been ignoring my computer for most of the month, and probably won’t be back in full swing until after the New Year … but I am stopping by here today to wish you and your family all the best for the rest of the holiday and for 2016.
Susan – ofeverymoment recently posted…Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Watching my mother-in-law’s rapid decline, I am so sad and angry that there isn’t a magical cure. And then I read you. Your pragmatic approach make me realize that the best response is to adapt and adjust. Thank you for so many valuable posts over the years. What a contribution you have made.
Wishing you and your whole family a fantastic holiday in your beautiful new house!
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I AM WISHING YOU A BLESSED AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!
Hi! Rena, great pieces of advice! It is important to still keep our loved ones with Dementia feel that they belong and are not disabled. This will make them feel more confident and avoid sadness. Being a caregiver is not easy tat is why I admire all of you so much! More power this 2017 and years to come!
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Thank you Edward. This so true and sometimes that is so hard, but it’s what they deserve from us.
Just a great reminder with great tips for the Holidays!
We stopped trying to move my Mother from her facility for Holiday celebrations. The outcome was just better for everyone. Of course some other residents would crash our party but we just rolled with it, the more the merrier! Great reminders Rena.
This serves as a wake up call and a good reminder to all. Very helpful and reflective. Thanks a lot for sharing!