I’VE BEEN ROBBED BY ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE!
I’ve been robbed by Alzheimer’s Disease. The doors remained locked. The windows haven’t been breached. The TV is where it’s always been. The computer sits untouched.
This robbery is more of a personal assault. It is the theft of something much more dear to my heart. The thing that has gone missing is not an electronic device or a piece of fine jewelry. I am missing the relationship that I used to share with my very own mother.
Alzheimer’s has robbed me of my mom’s comforting presence. It has stolen my port in the storm. It has abducted my peace of mind, my shoulder to cry on, and my very best friend.
I know that we are not it’s only victims. It’s been on a crime spree for years and its appetite is insatiable. Memories and independence are its favorite cuisine. Relationships and feelings are scrumptious desserts.
I want to scream and rail at fate. I want to punch it and kick it. I want to kill it with my own bare hands, but that’s impossible as it always remains an elusive shadow. It hides behind those familiar brown eyes as it changes shape, color, and sometimes even vanishes completely for very short periods of time.
It always returns, though, ready to feast as if it were at an all you can buffet. Bits and pieces until there is only a shell remaining. Just hair and skin, bones and nails. The shadow of the amazingly remarkable woman who I call momma.
I still look for her. In that rare smile on her face. That light in her eyes that streak by like a meteor shower. So fast that you’re not always sure if it was real or just your heart playing tricks on you. I feel awed when I do manage to catch it. Its like witnessing the northern lights. Then it is immediately extinguished by the cold vacant stare and that miles-from-me look. I spend my days searching for ways to hold it at bay whether for a day, an hour, or simply a few moments. Those few moments to me are like holding the Hope Diamond right in my palm.
Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest.
I love you momma!