This is a story that my mother recently shared with me. That is my favorite part of being her caregiver, listening to the stories of her youth. Mom had a very hard life deep in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. She had 10 siblings, being spread out a little bit in ages didn’t all live at home at the same time.
I have my Grandfather’s bible with some of his sermons and while he was a laid back, easy going man that never got mad he believed strongly in his convictions and how his children should be raised. He died of Pancreatic Cancer They believed that women were there to serve the men. That the men were the leaders of the family. Mom has always believed this. She was this way with my father and even now she will not eat a thing until after my husband fixes his plate. As a woman of this generation, this had driven me crazy but I also know that she will not change, it’s too late for that. She’s almost 79 years old and has Alzheimer’s Disease.
I can’t imagine the life she describes. Learning to cook meals at 5 and 6 or working in the huge garden at 7 and 8. They grew their own food and hunted for meat. I imagine she didn’t have much of a childhood it was all about the work.
They got out of bed early, worked all day and then went to bed early. This really explains a lot of the reasons why mom is like she is and I guess I never really put it together, until now. Mom doesn’t believe in just sitting around. She doesn’t watch TV very much or ever just relaxes. She is constantly doing something. The fact that I work on a computer all day drives her crazy. She thinks that I am lazy, that all I do is “play” with my computer. Even though this sometimes hurts, it also makes me laugh at little. To her writing isn’t a career, although she had always loved to read before the Alzheimer’s set in, now even that has been taken away from her.
So back to the story…my mother had very long hair which was the norm in that part of the country, in those times. She wore it in two long braids (think Laura Ingalls) and she hated it. She knew she would never be allowed to get it cut and it drove her crazy.
I’ve learned that mom always got what she wanted when she really set her mind to it. If you haven’t yet read the story of her great escape from the mountains of Eastern Kentucky you can read that story HERE. So she worked out a plan with one of her older brothers. She talked him into cutting off one of her braids with a knife. That way her parents wouldn’t have a choice and she would get the short hair that she wanted.
To this day and every day since, I have known her she has worn her hair short. She’s just like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias. You just put it in curlers and tease it into a big brown football helmet.
I’m learning a lot about the girl who would one day become my mom. A lot of things that have surprised me. She has always been so quiet, a very submissive type of person. This used to drive me insane and probably the reason I am the polar opposite. I’m learning that while she might have been perceived as submission that wasn’t always the case.
Rena, I love your blog! I too was a caregiver (dad had LewyBody Dementia) and it was an adventure everyday. The ups and the downs. The stories were the best though, because he had no censor. I remember him telling me about one of his wives, he had several, and this one lasted less than 90 days. He shared the story with me and we laughed and cried. Thank you for sharing these intimate moments with us all.
Thank you so much Caryn! It’s very hard to become the parent to our parents but something that we are not given a choice in. They only thing to do is to make the best of it which is what I am trying to do. The stories she shares are a bright spot in our day and I always look forward to them too!
Did she get in trouble for cutting one of her braids?
I asked her this Laura. She didn’t as it was her brother’s fault. He agreed to take the blame so her parents never knew that she was behind it all. Apparently he did but didn’t care that he would get in trouble the excitement of cutting his little sister’s hair was apparently worth it to him.
It’s great that some of the history remains intact in memory. I had some of the richest times with my father after his disease really kicked in–those stories!
It is my most favorite part of caregiving, Carol. I have learned so much about her in these later years. Things I never would have guessed.
Your mom just cracks me up! I love that story of how she got away from home. And this one is just as good! What a girl!!!
I know! It just amazes me that I never saw this side of her while I was growing up. I look forward to hearing more and more of her stories. I’m sure that wasn’t the last!
Sounds like your mom has quite a feisty spirit. I loved this glimpse into her life growing up. I wonder if her brother was punished?!
Yes, he was Susan. I asked that question myself but according to her he thought it was well worth the trouble that he would get in and they were never aware that she was actually behind it all!
I’ve read a lot of stories about how tough life was in rural Kentucky. I would guess your Mom was tougher than you thought.
I work as a caregiver and the stories are my absolute favorite part of the job too.
It’s always great to hear these stories from our parents and grandparents, especially when they come from a completely different generation. Not only is there so much to learn about them, but also about the life and culture during those times. You reminded me so much of my Grandma (passed away late last year). She always used to wake us up early during our summer break at her home in rural Philippines because she believed it was laziness to sleep in and not be moving about. Much like what your Mom believes. It’s quite annoying but there’s no denying that they are / we are all products of out times.
Your mother has had such an interesting life! What a great story and I’m so glad you shared it with all of us!
I can so relate to some of your stories, particularly the difference between the generations. I love your insight that underneath that submissive exterior lies a strength that managed despite the restrictions and the circumstances. Thank you for sharing the story with us.