The Diary of An Alzheimer's Caregiver

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest!

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Home » Blog » OUR LIFE » MOM'S STORIES » MOM’S GREAT ESCAPE

June 13, 2014 By Rena McDaniel 52 Comments

MOM’S GREAT ESCAPE

I want to tell you a story about my mom long before Alzheimer’s took over her life, even before becoming the wife and terrific mom she would later become. This story left me in awe. You see mom never told us stories about her life. Just the basics of growing up extremely poor, helping to cook dinner at the young age of 5 or 6, and working in the garden at the age of 4. Now that she no longer has to be a role model and Alzheimer’s has arrived I have been on a mission to learn more about the woman she was before.

Up until the early 1950’s mom lived in a ‘holler’ in Eastern Kentucky’s coal country. She was born and raised there with 9 brothers and sisters. Her father was the local preacher. Mom had traveled to a couple of places to babysit for relatives and she went to Berea College for a year before returning home again. Once she had gotten a taste of the life that was out there, coming home and living in the mountains no longer held the appeal to her that it had before. She had even begun to think of ways to move away. The dates are a little foggy for her, especially now that she is suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease, but I am estimating this was around 1954 and she would have been about 17 or 18. Her parents were uneducated barely able to read or write and when a letter would come from her brothers living in northern Kentucky they would have her read it to them.  This gave her the idea she needed.

This story came as a great shock to me, if you only knew my mother. She is almost 79 years old and had never as far as my knowledge done ANYTHING wrong. As I said, her father was a preacher and my father was a preacher (before 5 kids came along and he had to chang careers). She has never touched alcohol in her life, not even a taste. She has never smoked a cigarette and until recently I had never heard her utter a curse word except once or twice she might have said “shit”.  Of course, if you have read my earlier post you know she has begun to add quite a few to her repertoire. You can read that post right HERE!

So back to the story… She had gotten a piece of paper from her father’s things and wrote a letter. Now this letter was written to her parents but it wasn’t from her, she wrote it as if it had been written by her brother. I still can’t believe my mother was that sneaky! She wrote the letter THEN stole a penny out of my grandma’s “grocery fund” and walked to the store to “get the mail”. When she got to the store she picked up the mail and bought a stamp which she placed on the letter she had just written.

Mom then went back home and reported that they had gotten a letter from her brother which her mother wanted her to read immediately. In this letter (written by, mom) it said that they really needed (my mother) to come to northern Kentucky to help out. They needed someone to help watch the kids while they worked. The next thing mom knew she was on a bus headed toward freedom.

She showed up on her brother’s doorstep with her explanation and after begging and pleading he let her stay AND kept her secret. This is where she lived until she married my father. She met my father and married him in 1958. He died of a heart attack at the age of 46. She lived in Kentucky up until 2011 when she moved to South Carolina with my husband and I.

Since mom came to live with us we have had more time to talk and share stories. This is the best part of being a 24/7 caregiver. I am learning so much about the girl she was before she was “mom”. I think this girl and I would have been great friends. I have had my own adventures that I now share with her and it turns out we are a lot more alike than I ever thought!

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest. ~The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver.

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Filed Under: MOM'S STORIES, OUR LIFE Tagged With: Alzheimer's Characteristics, Mom's Story, our life

About Rena McDaniel

I'm a recovering Alzheimer's Caregiver, a former loving daughter, a current wife, mom, and grandma who remembers all too clearly what it is like on the front lines of Alz Caregiving. I provide real advice, pro tips, or excellent tools from my own experiences and other experts I find along the way. A community of caregivers supporting each other!

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Comments

  1. Shelley Zurek says

    June 13, 2014 at 9:40 am

    That was a wonderful story to treasure about your adventurous mom. It’s amazing she only got rebellious that one time.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 13, 2014 at 10:10 am

      I am sure there are more episodes that I just haven’t heard about yet. They will come out eventually I am sure! Thanks Shelley.

      Reply
  2. Mandi says

    June 13, 2014 at 9:48 am

    My mother has been struggling with the early stages of dementia for the past three years. I can only imagine what it must be like to deal with full blown Alzheimer’s. I commend you for your commitment to your mother. I hope when the time comes that I will have your strength and devotion.

    Having said all of that, I’m learning more about my mother’s past than any daughter ever wanted to know, and as for the curse words…my mother could put any sailor to shame these days. I love her though. Even in this state, she has the best sense of humor.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 13, 2014 at 10:23 am

      Mandi,
      The comment “I’m learning more about my mother’s past than any daughter ever wanted to know” just cracked me up! That is so true at times. I have had to do things that no daughter should ever have to do but things I would never be able to trust a stranger to do. There are hard days and there are good days. Mom is still able to do most things by herself. I may have to say “You need to get into the shower now” or “Mom, you already had four poptarts today” but she is still mom no matter what. She took care of me all of my life and we have always had a special bond. I always knew that when this day came it would be me taking care of her. Of course, I never thought about Alzheimer’s and the effect it would have on our lives but that’s just the way it is. Somedays I cry, sometimes I even have to go outside and scream in frustration but no matter what the biggest emotion I feel is love and that makes it so much easier. When the time comes you will have the strength to do what must be done whether you are the caregiver or finding one that you trust.

      Reply
  3. Paula Parker says

    June 13, 2014 at 10:09 am

    Wow! That was a brave thing your mom did as a little girl. I was a fraidy-cat as a girl. It is amazing how life turns out. Enjoyed my visit!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 13, 2014 at 10:23 am

      Thanks so much Paula. This story came as a great shock to me but the more I thought about it the prouder I felt.

      Reply
  4. Lavende & Lemonade says

    June 13, 2014 at 11:10 am

    A wonderful story, thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Lavende

      Reply
  5. Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says

    June 13, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Hi Rena! What a fun story. Now that my own mother and father are both gone I do regret sometimes not taking the time to ask all the questions I could have about their lives before we were born…and many even when we were young. Sometimes you don’t realize how precious that is until you don’t have the option. Thanks for sharing. ~Kathy

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 13, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      Thank you Kathy! I am very sorry for the loss of your parents. I lost my dad when I was only 15 so I know the feeling well of missed opportunities.

      Reply
  6. Carol Cassara says

    June 13, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    It’s still hard to read your stories, even 6 years after my father left this world officially.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 13, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      I hate to hear that Carol! You deserve only happy memories and thoughts!

      Reply
  7. Kungphoo says

    June 13, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    That is some story.. She really wanted to get out of there and taste life! This is a story to carry forward for generations!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 13, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      I am very proud of her! I don’t know if I would have had the guts that she had but it’s nice knowing I come from that stock of people! I have a new grandbaby coming in January and I already can’t wait to share family stories with him or her! Thanks Kungphoo!

      Reply
  8. Sherri Jo says

    June 13, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    so beautiful… thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      Thank you Sherri Jo.

      Reply
  9. Richelle Silbaugh says

    June 13, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    You know, i have spent time commenting on blogs for the past few minutes, but yours? I read the whole sh*t! And i love IT!!!
    Your mom had a lot of guts 😀 a few people will be scared to take action, but she did.
    I too love hearing the story of my mom…

    Reply
  10. Lana says

    June 13, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Rena- I enjoy your stories so much! I think your mom sounds like one smart lady 🙂 We took care of my mother-in-law for 5 years while she suffered with dementia – I wish I would have written down some of the stories she told us!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      Thank you so much Lana! She has always managed and much of the time by herself (my father died 29 years ago). I am sorry about your MIL it is always tough when a loved one suffers from AD or Dementia.

      Reply
  11. Haralee says

    June 13, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    A great story. Thanks for sharing !

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      Thank you Haralee!

      Reply
  12. Roch says

    June 13, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Oh wow what a lovely story! I especially liked the sentence: I am learning so much about the girl she was before she was “mom”.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      Thank you Roch. As a caregiver one of the hardest thing is losing that “mom” relationship but when you learn about the past it becomes apparent that she was so much more than that!

      Reply
  13. LaTonya (Detroit Mom) says

    June 13, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    I love vintage pictures, I see you’re finding they tell a story all themselves Enjoy your findings whatever they are..

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Thank you LaTonya, I love looking at old pictures too! We have so many and they make mom remember things that she had previously forgotten!

      Reply
  14. Marcia @ Menopausal Mother says

    June 13, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    What a great story. I think it’s nice you got to learn about this side of your mom.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Thanks Marcia, it is absolutely the best part of caregiving!

      Reply
  15. Franc Ramon says

    June 14, 2014 at 12:21 am

    Your mom is really brave to do her escape and plot her life but since he met your dad then it’s a good one.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      Yes their love was an amazing thing to behold. He thought she was a princess and treated her like a queen. She lost him way to early in life!

      Reply
  16. Danielle says

    June 14, 2014 at 3:53 am

    What a great story. I love learning about family history. I have talked to my grandma all the time what it was like being a single black woman in a backwoods town in Oklahoma. She always has some very interesting insights.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      I bet she has some amazing stories Danielle. There were so many changes in century. I have always thought I was born to late!

      Reply
  17. chelsea says

    June 14, 2014 at 7:11 am

    Wow what a life ! Very interesting post 🙂

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      She has had alot of trauma and a lot of happiness in her life! Thanks Chelsea!

      Reply
  18. Ralff Dizon says

    June 14, 2014 at 8:34 am

    This is an awesome story, i enjoy reading. Thanks For sharing this awesome adventure of your Mom.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      Thank you so much Ralff!

      Reply
  19. R U S S says

    June 14, 2014 at 9:21 am

    I sincerely enjoyed reading this one and was so inspired by you & your mom. I love how we suddenly see all these opportunities ahead of us after experiencing it. It’s these kinds of moments that suddenly make us very determined to do this or to try that.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      Thank you so much Russ. Sometimes we think we have it so hard then hear stories like this and realize how truly lucky we are!

      Reply
  20. Michelle Christopher says

    June 14, 2014 at 10:10 am

    I love this story. Your mom is from the same generation as mine and I absolutely love listening to her stories. It’s like living history. Fabulous story!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      You’re so right Michelle! There is alot that has changed in history that they have been a witness to!

      Reply
  21. Ann BAcciaglia says

    June 14, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Thank you for sharing such a personal story. It is important to share stories through the generations.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      It is so important Ann! My father passed away when I was 15 and I have no family history on that side of the family and it seems so sad.

      Reply
  22. Rebecca Swenor says

    June 14, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    I love this story because my brother had similar experience caring for our grandfather the last couple weeks of his life. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      Thank you Rebecca, it is a very hard job but there are times when it becomes truly amazing.

      Reply
  23. Bonnie Way says

    June 14, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    What a fun story! It’s so great that you get to spend this time with your mom. My grandma is currently facing huge memory loss (not Alzheimer’s, just can’t remember what she did 5 minutes ago, much less yesterday) but still remembers details from twenty years ago. I’d love to sit down with her and get some of her stories. Maybe someday… 🙂

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      Bonnie, it is something special to spend time with mom. Hope you get the stories from your grandmother before it is to late.

      Reply
  24. Jhady says

    June 14, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    Thank you for sharing this, I remembered my mom. Your mom’s story is very touching and I almost cry. I wish my mom is still alive. She was a wonderful godly woman and I miss hearing godly advises from her.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Thank you so much Jhady, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I can’t imagine the pain that you have been through. I hope everyday it gets easier for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

      Reply
  25. Sandy Sandler says

    June 15, 2014 at 7:28 am

    What a story! She is a strong woman and did what she needed to do to survive. I’m sorry to hear of her Alzheimers but it seems as thought you are using this time to be strong for your mom. Best of luck to you.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      June 15, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Thank you Sandy for your kind words. My mother has had to be strong her whole life to raise us kids now it is my turn to be strong for her.

      Reply
  26. Rena McDaniel says

    June 15, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    Thank you Susan my mom is a very special lady.

    Reply
  27. Farrah says

    September 24, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    What a wonderful story! I can’t believe she kept it a secret for so long. What a sneak! In the absolute, best possible way 🙂

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      September 25, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      I was amazed by this story! Most of us believe our parents to be perfect when this story was told to me I think my chin hit the floor! Thanks so much for reading it and commenting!

      Reply

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