The longer I am momma’s 24/7 caregiver the more I realize how uninformed I was about the subject of Alzheimer’s and caregiving when I first began. It’s kind of like when you first give birth and you lay in the hospital promising to never let your baby down and to always catch them when they fall. You’ll never let them eat McDonalds and soda shall never cross those small pouty lips. Essentially that you will never make a mistake and then you go home…
No more nurses waiting on our every move and attentive daddy’s lifting the baby lovingly into your arms still in the afterglow of a miracle. Nope, you’re thrown straight to the lions. The next thing you know you are knee deep in breast milk and dirty diapers with yesterday’s spit up still matted in your kinky curly hair that may possibly be housing a family of Robins. Sleep is only a distant memory and you can’t even hype yourself up on caffeine because you’re breastfeeding.
Yeah, caregiving can be like that…with triplets! When you’re a new mom you know that eventually it will get better. As a caregiver, you know that eventually it will get even worse. It can be a disheartening way of life if you’re not careful to make sure you are balancing your needs as well as your loved one.
It is so easy to settle into a state of mind that only leads one way straight into the dark hole of depression. As a caregiver we’re dealing with the wrong side of life and death and we know that every day is just another day closer to having to say good bye. Then there is the isolation of caring for someone when life is still going on around you and you seem to be the only one missing it. It’s a hard life and one most of us wouldn’t trade for the world, but we have to get better at surviving it.
We have to find ways to stay active not only physically, but mentally as well. For me, this was doubly so since I also suffer from RA. If mom and I don’t keep moving we will lose our mobility and that is something we need to hold onto with everything we have. Walking some a little each day made such a drastic effect in our lives. Just the act of getting out into the sunshine during the day I found could make the evenings so much more manageable.
The point I’m trying to make is nobody has all of the answers. As caregivers we are going to make mistakes, we are going to be sad sometimes, we are even going to get angry sometimes. The trick is to allow ourselves to feel these feelings and acknowledge them, but after that it’s time to move on. We have to be able to let things go.
Keeping a positive outlook and attitude through exercise, healthy eating, and taking time for yourself is that best way to win the battle with depression. Learn the symptoms and the feelings or actions that lead up to those symptoms and be able to recognize them early enough to seek help. Take that time for yourself every single day and exam how you’re doing and what you’re thinking and feeling.
Just a little bit of time each and every day that only belongs to you. Where the only voices you hear are your own. Keep a journal or start a blog or just meditate quietly, but know how you are feeling at all times. It won’t always be the same, maybe its 15 minutes today, but tomorrow it may be an hour. Find somewhere sunny or happy and just breathe, meditate, pray, whatever you do that brings you that balance that you need to carry on.
We don’t get manuals with caregiving just like with parenthood, but if we go into it with those same feelings of love and protectiveness you will find that the unbearable becomes bearable and sometimes even enjoyable. Just do your best, do it with love, and you can’t go wrong.
Surround yourself with a good support system whether it is a support group or it is family and friends. Garner as much knowledge as you can at places like SeniorAdvice.com, a Senior Housing Search Engine. The Survival Guide To Senior Caregiving is a great resource that they created just for caregivers. Last, but not least, do something that makes you smile each and every day, even if some days you have to go searching for it.
This is a sponsored post, but all ideas and words are my very own.
Great advice. Care giving for a loved one on the decline is emotionally draining. You are an inspiration Rena!
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Support is the key to every difficult experience in life, and I hope you consider me part of your support system.
Karen @BakingInATornado recently posted…Fly on the Wall: Can You Count to One?
Of course I do! You’re always there for me when I need it!
You are doing one of the toughest jobs there is, and you do it with such grace. That you share so openly is truly a gift. Thank you, Rena, for your fortitude, patience, insight and humor.
Thank you so much, that really means a lot coming from you.
You make such a good point, that caregiving can seem endless. Taking some time for yourself every day is essential. Rena, you are such an inspiration to anyone facing this difficult challenge. I appreciate you every day!
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Thank you so much, that’s so sweet. I appreciate you as well, thank you for making my day.
Very good points Rena. It’s a different experience for each person I’m sure.
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Thank you.
Well said, Rena! You have a awesome gift of finding the right words to describe caregiving. When I read your blog, I am shaking my head the whole time saying yes, yes, yes! I agree. It’s so nice to find someone who understands those words and how emotionally challenging this caregiving can be. I find that has been my biggest struggle….feeling all alone in this and no family support system that understands. Nothing about their lifestyle has changed as much as being a caregiver has changed mine. Thanks for writing about this!
My goodness, you are a very strong, brave lady! Keep up the good work, sound like you’re doing a fantastic job!
Thank you for your kind words Emilee!
This is great advice. I especially love the idea of having a positive outlook. I think that can help in so many ways!
A positive attitude makes everything possible Jacqui! Thank you for commenting.
Great advice not just for caretakers – but it’s good for anybody who needs to take better care of themselves
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So true Andrea!
What a wonderful thing you are doing for your mother. You are so selfless. Many are not so lucky. Prayers for you and your mom. She is blessed to have you!
What a nice post. Care giving requires a lot of patience and understanding.
So true Nicole, thank you for commenting.
It must be so tough caring for your mom. My time to care for my grandparents (they raised me) is coming soon. Great advice for those who are caring or heading into the next phase of life to care for seniors.
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Thank you Jessica. It’s a tough job, but one done strictly with love…and lots of patience.
i give credit those who care for the elderly. I couldn’t do it.
You would if you had too Katrina. I’m sure of it.
As always, Rena, such great advice! Simple, practical and life-saving. It applies to all of us, no matter our personal situation at any given point in time. Take care of yourself as you care for those you have taken responsibility for. I’ve seen several people burn out in their role as caregiver. And my advice to them and to me is: Keep your own vessel full as well. You can’t fill others if you are empty! You have said it perfectly!
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It is very easy to do, I have come very close myself. Thank you for the support.
I’ve applied to join the group Caregivers Corner on Facebook and hope I will be accepted. Although my mother in law (89) does not have dementia, she does have some short term memory deficits and health issues, is a falling risk and my husband and I care for both her and my brother in law with autism, who is 58. Sometimes, I think we are just running from fire to fire. We need support and my husband does not want to ask for advice – so it is up to me!