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Home » Blog » Alzheimer's » AWARENESS » The Toll That Alzheimer’s Takes On The Mother/Daughter Relationship

August 1, 2016 By Rena McDaniel 11 Comments

The Toll That Alzheimer’s Takes On The Mother/Daughter Relationship

Mother and small child together and a mom with Alz with her grown daughter. It's Not So Different is the title by The Diary of an Alzheimer's CaregiverOne of the first things to go out the window when you’re life has been taken over by Alzheimer’s disease is the mother/daughter relationship. It’s stretched, pulled, and kneaded until it resembles something well unrecognizable.

Your mother has known you as long as you’ve known you. The first arms that cuddled you when you cried, the first one that changed your diapers, fixed your hair for school, snapped your picture at graduation with a tear in her eye and a huge smile on her face. She straightened your veil before you walked down the aisle and probably gave you some sage, outdated advice on the way. She was the first one you called when your baby was sick in the middle of the night even before the pediatrician. Whatever the memory, your mother was probably there behind the scenes rooting you on or drying your tears.

You’ve never known it any other way. It’s life’s circle, she did it for me, I did it for my daughter, and now my daughter is doing it for hers. We’ve witnessed that relationship since the beginning of time. Your mother is where you go for comfort and support. For knowledge and strength. For grace and hope and anything else you may need.

Then Alzheimer’s moves in and takes over the house. You notice little changes at first. Nothing specific, a confused look followed by a little bit of fear. Maybe a few months later you notice that she has forgotten your birthday or maybe she forgot her own birthday. She gets frustrated easily and asking for help is nearly impossible for her. She is supposed to be in charge. She’s the mother, but something feels different. It’s hard to explain sort of a like an old favorite sweater that no longer fits.

Time crawls by and days turn into weeks and before you know it you’re paying her bills, taking her to the doctor, filling her prescriptions, paying her taxes, maintaining her house, grocery shopping, hair appointments. It seems like a lot, but in the months and years to come you’ll realize how good you really had it back then.

You cook her meals, take care of her when she’s sick, hold her when she’s scared. You’re her biggest support, the first one she turns to when she’s scared, lonely, or confused. You’re her guiding light, her constant companion, and her very best friend.

Years slide by at a snail’s pace and you find yourself bathing your mother, changing her diapers, washing her hair, feeding her, singing to her, showing her pictures anything to keep her with you for just a few moments in time. The love you have always felt for her is still there, but it has taken on a whole new look. You need to protect her, you need to make her smile, you need to keep her healthy…just like she did for you.

The mother/daughter relationship doesn’t resemble what it once did… it becomes so much more.

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest! I love you momma

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Filed Under: AWARENESS, RESOURCES, STORIES Tagged With: Alzheimer's resources, Alzheimer's Stories, Mothers/Daughters, relationships

About Rena McDaniel

I'm a recovering Alzheimer's Caregiver, a former loving daughter, a current wife, mom, and grandma who remembers all too clearly what it is like on the front lines of Alz Caregiving. I provide real advice, pro tips, or excellent tools from my own experiences and other experts I find along the way. A community of caregivers supporting each other!

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Comments

  1. Helene Cohen Bludman says

    August 1, 2016 at 10:03 am

    Beautiful post, Rena. The relationship changes but the love never does. Wishing you and your mother well.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 1, 2016 at 6:14 pm

      I couldn’t of said it better myself, thank you.

      Reply
  2. Bonnie K. Aldinger says

    August 1, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Yes, absolutely lovely.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 1, 2016 at 6:15 pm

      Thank you.

      Reply
  3. Kimba says

    August 1, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    Such a lovely post Rena. A close friend of mine is right here in the middle of this Alzheimer’s journey with her mother. Your reflections are very true to her life’s being at this moment.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 1, 2016 at 6:15 pm

      I wish her the best and if I can ever be of any assistance let me know.

      Reply
  4. Liv says

    August 1, 2016 at 8:39 pm

    It is important to focus on the positives isn’t it?

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      August 8, 2016 at 1:20 pm

      Sometimes it’s the only thing to keep you going.

      Reply
  5. Roshni says

    August 8, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Teared up reading this because this was exactly how my mom’s and grandmom’s relationship was for the last 10 years! Beautiful!

    Reply
  6. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    August 9, 2016 at 11:30 am

    So beautiful! I was honored to be able to help with my Grandmother’s care as she got older. I know the day is coming when my parents will need more care themselves, and that’s a bit scary since I’m two hours away.

    Reply
  7. Alice Bain says

    October 13, 2016 at 3:00 am

    Lovely article. Very factual. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Reply

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