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Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest!

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Home » Blog » Alzheimer's » RESOURCES » THE TROUBLE WITH ALZHEIMER’S

June 3, 2019 By Rena McDaniel 64 Comments

THE TROUBLE WITH ALZHEIMER’S

*This post was originally written in May of 2014 but has been updated.

Alzheimer’s is a disease that not only destroys the life of the patient, but it also tries to rob them of the relationships in their lives on the way out. The patient’s personality changes so drastically that sometimes you can’t recognize someone you have loved your entire life, but this is just an illusion. The person you love is still there, but it is behind this awful disease that is making them do the things that they do.  It is hard to remember this day after day.

I read “Alzheimer’s Dementia Caregiving–Learning to Deal With Difficult Behavior” multiple times because it seems to have a calming effect on me. It becomes my mantra. I know that my mom can’t help the way she is and I know that if it wasn’t for the disease she would be horrified herself by some of the things that she says. But she does have this terrible disease and I have to remember that right now it has the bigger voice.

I sometimes pretend that Alzheimer’s is one of those obnoxious relatives that always overstay their welcome and talks over everyone else. You know what I am talking every family has one of those relatives. The kind that shows up on every occasion to eat you out of house and home, destroys your house and stays way too long. This is Alzheimer’s in my mind. While my mother is whispering ”

While my mother is whispering “I am scared“.  Alzheimer’s is yelling  “I want to go home“.

While mom is terrified of the water in her shower. Alzheimer is laying around in stinky clothes and doesn’t care.

While mom would love to have her family together for a big cookout. Alzheimer wants to pout in the corner and say harsh things to people that it is supposed to love

I have to think like this if not I would be heartbroken most of the time.

People who are not living with a person who has Alzheimer’s Disease just can’t understand the ups and downs all in a days time. Some moments I feel like “Yes! I’ve got this everything is going to be okay”. Ten minutes later when she tells me she is thinking about moving back home. I get that tightening in my stomach and that feeling of hopelessness.

It is a constant roller coaster and by the end of the day, I am so exhausted from all the emotional changes throughout the day I just can’t wait to close my eyes and rest.  But even that is impossible. Your mind immediately starts thinking of ways to avoid the ups and downs for the next day, even though you know that this is not possible. You just have to try to keep a positive outlook even though sometimes that is easier said than done. You have to ALWAYS lead with love.

Remember to:

Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy and deal with the rest.

I love & miss you momma!

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Filed Under: RESOURCES, STORIES, STORIES Tagged With: Alzheimer's Characteristics, Alzheimer's progress, Caregiver tips

About Rena McDaniel

I'm a recovering Alzheimer's Caregiver, a former loving daughter, a current wife, mom, and grandma who remembers all too clearly what it is like on the front lines of Alz Caregiving. I provide real advice, pro tips, or excellent tools from my own experiences and other experts I find along the way. A community of caregivers supporting each other!

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Comments

  1. natosha says

    May 14, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    I know of a friend who is really bad with Alzheimers. She can’t even remember us and its scary and sad. Great post!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      Thanks Natosha it is a very scary disease!

      Reply
  2. Mary Ann says

    May 14, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    It can be hard to keep that perspective, but you have to so you can get through it. I had someone that used to be so sweet and kind throw knives and forks at me one time. Patience is a virtue and Alzheimer’s certainly taught me a lot of patience.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      That is scary! Sometimes I worry about what will happen in the future but right now I am stuck in the day-to-day!

      Reply
  3. Cathy Chester says

    May 14, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    My 95 year old aunt has had Alzheimer’s for a few years. My cousin bought a new house that has extra room for her and a live-in nurse. She is blind now, but can play the piano by heart. She forgets a lot, like her husband, but last time I saw her she remembered me. It’s a cruel disease, but she remains happy in her world. It must be extremely tough for my cousin who slowly watches his mom disappear for years…

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      It is very tough, you look at someone who gave you life, fed you, wiped your tears and they become children before your very eyes until they slowly disappear all together, Thanks Cathy!

      Reply
  4. Carol Cassara says

    May 14, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    I always read your posts but it isn’t always easy because it brings back those times with my father. He’s gone now, but what a rough eight years he had.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      Thanks Carol, although I hate the idea of making you sad!

      Reply
  5. Dawn @ Pin-n-Tell says

    May 14, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    My great grandpa and my grandpa, both suffered from Alzheimers. It sure did change the way they communicated and acted, it was as if I didn’t know them… they were someone else. But, I agree with you! On the inside.. they were there 🙂

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      It’s definitely hard to keep focused on that sometimes! Thanks Dawn.

      Reply
  6. Michelle Christopher says

    May 14, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    I am so sorry to you and your family. Alzheimers is a very destructive disease. I had a family member go through this with her mother. It so hard to remember who they used to be once the disease takes hold. It’s good that you are trying to appreciate the good things.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      Thank you so much Michelle. We are only given today, tomorrow is not guaranteed so we should always make the most of it.

      Reply
  7. Paula Parker says

    May 14, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    This is one of the most saddest of diseases. The baby boomers are now getting ready for this challenge. May a cure be found.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      From your lips to God’s ears! Thank you Paula!

      Reply
  8. Roch says

    May 14, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Maybe my mom will also have that disease when she grows old. Scary but have to face it and we’d always love her as well.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:02 pm

      Yes it is possible! It is a very relevant disease in our lifetime. Most people know someone who has it.

      Reply
  9. Haralee says

    May 14, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    You have a great mantra. It is so difficult. Dealing with my Mother although she is in a great facility, it still is sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful, sometimes sad and then just plain coping!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      Thanks Haralee, you definitely have to keep things in prospective. Sometimes you deal with all of that in one days time.

      Reply
  10. Diane says

    May 14, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    I so enjoy your insights in your posts. They ring with sincerity and passion! My aunt, saintly woman that she was, suffered with Alzheimer for several years before her death. She became a foul-mouthed harpy. But now I know it wasn’t her. It was Alzheimer. Genius of you to separate the two. I will always remember this!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      Thank you so much Diane. I know that mom is inside this mean person she just can’t get out most of the time.

      Reply
  11. Louida says

    May 14, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    I have an older cousin that is in his 90s with Alzheimer and boy is it a scary disease.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      It is a very scary disease. It takes a person you have known all of your life and turns them into a stranger right before your very eyes. Thanks Louida

      Reply
  12. Barbara says

    May 14, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Wow, what an amazing story. It must not be easy to deal with Alzheimer’s disease.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      Thank you Barbara. It is a story being told in millions of households everyday.

      Reply
  13. Laura (Lauras Little House Tips) says

    May 14, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    This is the worst illness ever. It robs all of us of memories and time to love. What a great post! Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 14, 2014 at 5:31 pm

      Yes it is, thanks for sharing Laura!

      Reply
  14. kungphoo says

    May 14, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    This is a terrible disease, it takes away from all that the person knows, and believes in.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 4:17 am

      Yes it is, Thankyou Kungphoo

      Reply
  15. Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says

    May 14, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Hi Rena! Yes it is HARD! I think I told you my mom had it before she passed. Fortunately for me I didn’t live with her (my father was still alive) but I do recognize that aspect of her that you describe. I think it is really important to create a distance between her and “the alzheimers” as you say. It is also critical to find your own self care–because you need it as much as her. Hang in there! ~Kathy

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 4:18 am

      Thank you Kathy, it’s definitely a balancing act.

      Reply
  16. Meredith Elizabeth says

    May 14, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    So sorry that you struggle with this. What a loving daughter you are. My MIL had both her parents go through Alzheimer’s Disease. Miraculously, her divorced parents forgot about their hatred for each other and ended their lives together being in love. It was hard on the whole family to watch the decay. My BIL was almost strangled to death. It’s a lesson in true love… to love the ugliness as well as the great memories. My prayers to you and our family.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:11 am

      Thank you so much Meredith. That just goes to show there are good, bad and ugly when dealing with AD!

      Reply
  17. Lisa J. Jones says

    May 14, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    My Grandmother Had It It’s So Overwhelming To The Family God I Loved Her So!!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:12 am

      Thank you Lisa. I am so sorry about your Grandmother.

      Reply
  18. Rebecca Swenor says

    May 14, 2014 at 11:14 pm

    I have had to deal with this disease in a couple family members. Thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to all who have it and their caregivers along with family members.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:12 am

      Thank you Rebecca, it is a terrible disease that is for sure.

      Reply
  19. Jen says

    May 14, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    My heart goes out to you and your family. What a difficult struggle! Thank you for shedding some light on Alzheimers and the reminder to always be compassionate, you never know what a person is dealing with!

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:14 am

      Thank you Jen. You never know what the person next to you is dealing with that’s for sure.

      Reply
  20. Michelle F. says

    May 14, 2014 at 11:46 pm

    I can understand where you are coming from. My grandmother is going through it an it truly is a roller coaster. My cousins and aunt and uncles will never understand because they are never around.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:16 am

      I think that is the hardest part, other family members. They just don’t get it and end up making things worse alot of times. I will keep you and your Grandmother in my prayers Michelle.

      Reply
  21. Sharon says

    May 15, 2014 at 1:31 am

    You are strong and God chose you for this purpose because he knows you can take it. I remember when my grandmother started with her dementia. It was so hard to listen to the way she’d yell at me and not even know who I was.

    Keep your chin up

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:17 am

      Thank you so much Sharon.

      Reply
  22. Patranila says

    May 15, 2014 at 2:44 am

    Being a caregiver is so hard. Stay strong.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:17 am

      Thank you Patranila!

      Reply
  23. Kristen says

    May 15, 2014 at 3:00 am

    It’s so true that your brain is an organ and it can start to fail just like any other organ in your body. Sad, I want more research done on this.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Yes it is very important for more research to be done. Someone is diagnosed with AD every 60 seconds.

      Reply
  24. Fabulous Perks says

    May 15, 2014 at 3:32 am

    This is a scary and sad case! Thanks for
    Sharing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Thanks for coming by Fabulous Perks!

      Reply
  25. Franc Ramon says

    May 15, 2014 at 3:38 am

    Alzheimer is really difficult especially to those around you as they get to feel how being strange from a love one feels because of the degenerative nature of the disease.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:19 am

      Yes it is a hard thing to go through, thank you Franc

      Reply
  26. Kenneth Agudo says

    May 15, 2014 at 4:12 am

    yes, you are very right. My grandma has an alzheimers disease and she often forget our names and call us with other names. Its sad but memories were lost. It’s a tragedy of life 🙁

    Reply
  27. Liz Mays says

    May 15, 2014 at 4:41 am

    You must be an incredibly strong person to deal with us. I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to do what you’re doing.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:20 am

      I sometimes wonder myself Liz, I just feel strongly that this is where I am supposed to be. Thanks!

      Reply
  28. Kristi Campbell says

    May 15, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Oh that’s so hard! I think your ability to look at your mom and the disease separately is really smart because otherwise, getting through the day may be impossible. My grandpa had Alzheimers and my poor mom – he used to yell horrible things at her and call her terrible names. It was heartbreaking. Hang in there – you’re really strong and I’m sure your mom appreciates you even though she’s not always able to say so.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:20 am

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words Kristi!

      Reply
  29. Payal Bansal says

    May 15, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    This is an incredible and amazing story. I know, its really hard to deal with Alzheimer’s disease patient.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:21 am

      Thank you so much Payal!

      Reply
  30. Paula - Buenos Aires says

    May 15, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    What a compassionate approach! Seeing from heart to heart can be a struggle when things go different than expected.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Thank you Paula!

      Reply
  31. Alex | Thrifty Below says

    May 15, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    I can’t imagine what you have to go through every day. My grandmother has Alzheimer’s, but it progressed so much that she had to be moved to a nursing home. There was no one in my family in a position to care for her full time.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:23 am

      Thank you Alex. I know it is going to get much worse in the future but I want to try to keep her with me as long as possible, I know it will be hard but life is hard. She’s my mom.

      Reply
  32. Amanda says

    May 16, 2014 at 4:12 am

    I know how sad it is. My grandma was suffering from it before she passed, and it just broke my heart.

    Reply
    • Rena McDaniel says

      May 16, 2014 at 11:24 am

      Thank you Amanda! I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandma!

      Reply
  33. Rena McDaniel says

    May 16, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Yes it is a very scary disease. Thanks Jenn!

    Reply

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