Alzheimer’s is a disease that not only destroys the life of the patient, but it also tries to rob them of the relationships in their lives on the way out. The patient’s personality changes so drastically that sometimes you can’t recognize someone you have loved your entire life, but this is just an illusion. The person you love is still there, but it is behind this awful disease that is making them do the things that they do. It is hard to remember this day after day.
I read “Alzheimer’s Dementia Caregiving–Learning to Deal With Difficult Behavior” multiple times because it seems to have a calming effect on me. It becomes a mantra. I know that my mom can’t help the way she is and I know that if it wasn’t for the disease she would be horrified herself by some of the things that she says. But she does have this terrible disease and I have to remember that right now it has the bigger voice.
I sometimes pretend that Alzheimer’s is one of those obnoxious relatives that always overstays their welcome and talks over everyone else. You know what I am talking every family has one of those relatives. The kind that show up on every occasion eat you out of house and home, destroys your house and stays way too long. This is Alzheimer’s in my mind. While my mother is whispering ”
While my mother is whispering “I am scared“. Alzheimer’s is yelling “I want to go home“. While mom is terrified of the water in her shower. Alzheimer is laying around in stinky clothes and doesn’t care. While mom would love to have her family together for a big cookout. Alzheimer wants to pout in the corner and say harsh things to people that it is supposed to love I have to think like this if not I would be heartbroken most of the time.
People who are not living with a person who has Alzheimer’s Disease just can’t understand the ups and downs all in a days time. Some moments I feel like “Yes! I’ve got this everything is going to be okay”. Ten minutes later when she tells me she is thinking about moving back home. I get that tightening in my stomach and that feeling of hopelessness. It is a constant roller coaster and by the end of the day I am so exhausted from all the emotional changes throughout the day I just can’t wait to close my eyes and rest. But even that is impossible. Your mind immediately starts thinking of ways to avoid the ups and downs for the next day, even though you know that this is not possible. You just have to try to keep a positive outlook even though sometimes that is easier said than done. You have to ALWAYS lead with love.
Remember to:
Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy and deal with the rest.
I love you momma!
I know of a friend who is really bad with Alzheimers. She can’t even remember us and its scary and sad. Great post!
Thanks Natosha it is a very scary disease!
It can be hard to keep that perspective, but you have to so you can get through it. I had someone that used to be so sweet and kind throw knives and forks at me one time. Patience is a virtue and Alzheimer’s certainly taught me a lot of patience.
That is scary! Sometimes I worry about what will happen in the future but right now I am stuck in the day-to-day!
My 95 year old aunt has had Alzheimer’s for a few years. My cousin bought a new house that has extra room for her and a live-in nurse. She is blind now, but can play the piano by heart. She forgets a lot, like her husband, but last time I saw her she remembered me. It’s a cruel disease, but she remains happy in her world. It must be extremely tough for my cousin who slowly watches his mom disappear for years…
It is very tough, you look at someone who gave you life, fed you, wiped your tears and they become children before your very eyes until they slowly disappear all together, Thanks Cathy!
I always read your posts but it isn’t always easy because it brings back those times with my father. He’s gone now, but what a rough eight years he had.
Thanks Carol, although I hate the idea of making you sad!
My great grandpa and my grandpa, both suffered from Alzheimers. It sure did change the way they communicated and acted, it was as if I didn’t know them… they were someone else. But, I agree with you! On the inside.. they were there 🙂
It’s definitely hard to keep focused on that sometimes! Thanks Dawn.
I am so sorry to you and your family. Alzheimers is a very destructive disease. I had a family member go through this with her mother. It so hard to remember who they used to be once the disease takes hold. It’s good that you are trying to appreciate the good things.
Thank you so much Michelle. We are only given today, tomorrow is not guaranteed so we should always make the most of it.
This is one of the most saddest of diseases. The baby boomers are now getting ready for this challenge. May a cure be found.
From your lips to God’s ears! Thank you Paula!
Maybe my mom will also have that disease when she grows old. Scary but have to face it and we’d always love her as well.
Yes it is possible! It is a very relevant disease in our lifetime. Most people know someone who has it.
You have a great mantra. It is so difficult. Dealing with my Mother although she is in a great facility, it still is sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful, sometimes sad and then just plain coping!
Thanks Haralee, you definitely have to keep things in prospective. Sometimes you deal with all of that in one days time.
I so enjoy your insights in your posts. They ring with sincerity and passion! My aunt, saintly woman that she was, suffered with Alzheimer for several years before her death. She became a foul-mouthed harpy. But now I know it wasn’t her. It was Alzheimer. Genius of you to separate the two. I will always remember this!
Thank you so much Diane. I know that mom is inside this mean person she just can’t get out most of the time.
I have an older cousin that is in his 90s with Alzheimer and boy is it a scary disease.
It is a very scary disease. It takes a person you have known all of your life and turns them into a stranger right before your very eyes. Thanks Louida
Wow, what an amazing story. It must not be easy to deal with Alzheimer’s disease.
Thank you Barbara. It is a story being told in millions of households everyday.
This is the worst illness ever. It robs all of us of memories and time to love. What a great post! Thank you for sharing.
Yes it is, thanks for sharing Laura!
This is a terrible disease, it takes away from all that the person knows, and believes in.
Yes it is, Thankyou Kungphoo
Hi Rena! Yes it is HARD! I think I told you my mom had it before she passed. Fortunately for me I didn’t live with her (my father was still alive) but I do recognize that aspect of her that you describe. I think it is really important to create a distance between her and “the alzheimers” as you say. It is also critical to find your own self care–because you need it as much as her. Hang in there! ~Kathy
Thank you Kathy, it’s definitely a balancing act.
So sorry that you struggle with this. What a loving daughter you are. My MIL had both her parents go through Alzheimer’s Disease. Miraculously, her divorced parents forgot about their hatred for each other and ended their lives together being in love. It was hard on the whole family to watch the decay. My BIL was almost strangled to death. It’s a lesson in true love… to love the ugliness as well as the great memories. My prayers to you and our family.
Thank you so much Meredith. That just goes to show there are good, bad and ugly when dealing with AD!
My Grandmother Had It It’s So Overwhelming To The Family God I Loved Her So!!
Thank you Lisa. I am so sorry about your Grandmother.
I have had to deal with this disease in a couple family members. Thanks for sharing and my heart goes out to all who have it and their caregivers along with family members.
Thank you Rebecca, it is a terrible disease that is for sure.
My heart goes out to you and your family. What a difficult struggle! Thank you for shedding some light on Alzheimers and the reminder to always be compassionate, you never know what a person is dealing with!
Thank you Jen. You never know what the person next to you is dealing with that’s for sure.
I can understand where you are coming from. My grandmother is going through it an it truly is a roller coaster. My cousins and aunt and uncles will never understand because they are never around.
I think that is the hardest part, other family members. They just don’t get it and end up making things worse alot of times. I will keep you and your Grandmother in my prayers Michelle.
You are strong and God chose you for this purpose because he knows you can take it. I remember when my grandmother started with her dementia. It was so hard to listen to the way she’d yell at me and not even know who I was.
Keep your chin up
Thank you so much Sharon.
Being a caregiver is so hard. Stay strong.
Thank you Patranila!
It’s so true that your brain is an organ and it can start to fail just like any other organ in your body. Sad, I want more research done on this.
Yes it is very important for more research to be done. Someone is diagnosed with AD every 60 seconds.
This is a scary and sad case! Thanks for
Sharing.
Thanks for coming by Fabulous Perks!
Alzheimer is really difficult especially to those around you as they get to feel how being strange from a love one feels because of the degenerative nature of the disease.
Yes it is a hard thing to go through, thank you Franc
yes, you are very right. My grandma has an alzheimers disease and she often forget our names and call us with other names. Its sad but memories were lost. It’s a tragedy of life 🙁
You must be an incredibly strong person to deal with us. I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to do what you’re doing.
I sometimes wonder myself Liz, I just feel strongly that this is where I am supposed to be. Thanks!
Oh that’s so hard! I think your ability to look at your mom and the disease separately is really smart because otherwise, getting through the day may be impossible. My grandpa had Alzheimers and my poor mom – he used to yell horrible things at her and call her terrible names. It was heartbreaking. Hang in there – you’re really strong and I’m sure your mom appreciates you even though she’s not always able to say so.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words Kristi!
This is an incredible and amazing story. I know, its really hard to deal with Alzheimer’s disease patient.
Thank you so much Payal!
What a compassionate approach! Seeing from heart to heart can be a struggle when things go different than expected.
Thank you Paula!
I can’t imagine what you have to go through every day. My grandmother has Alzheimer’s, but it progressed so much that she had to be moved to a nursing home. There was no one in my family in a position to care for her full time.
Thank you Alex. I know it is going to get much worse in the future but I want to try to keep her with me as long as possible, I know it will be hard but life is hard. She’s my mom.
I know how sad it is. My grandma was suffering from it before she passed, and it just broke my heart.
Thank you Amanda! I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandma!
Yes it is a very scary disease. Thanks Jenn!