As most of you know, I lost my mother a few months ago and one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with is what to do with all of her stuff. She collected…lots of things. Those things didn’t have the same value to me that they held for my mother.
I put it off as long as I could, choosing to ignore the clutter until it finally drove me crazy. At that point, I just wanted to chuck it all. What I did do was pick out a couple of pieces that meant a lot to her and therefore me and then I chucked the rest. Sold some, gave away a lot more, and finally trashed the stuff that nobody else wanted.
I felt the difference the minute the last thing was gone…the stress of dealing with it, the guilt of not wanting it, and the aggravation of figuring out what to do with it. As I discussed with my friends we all said the same things. Why do our parents tend to think that if they loved it and thought it as valuable so would we?
Your kids love you they really do, but they don’t want your shit. That’s right, I said it. Sorry – not sorry!
We don’t want your Beanie Babies collection from the ’90s. We don’t even want your vintage lunchbox collection.
Aunt Clara’s dining room hutch? Nope. Uncle Paul’s shot glass collection? Nope… wait maybe…nope. Not even your great-great grandmother’s lace doilies. We just don’t want it.
We’re a different generation and we don’t collect things. The depression era created a world of “not enough” that seemed to take a least two generations to finally see that “there’s plenty”. We do collect a few things though:
- Cherished memories of going to dinner at Aunt Clara’s, but we don’t need a 500 lb. behemoth to remind us.
- We might even pick out a favorite among the 199 other shot glasses and send up a toast to Uncle Paul.
- What we collect are memories, experiences, and friends.
After a childhood of excess, we’ve developed a love of minimalism even if we don’t put a name on it. Things are just not important to us. They weigh us down and cause us stress. We just don’t need things to remind of us of who we are, who we know, or even what we did.
What about you? Are you a collector? or are you like me and don’t want to deal with it all.
Hi Rena, I am a believer in cleaning out and not keeping anything that I don’t use. I don’t want to leave behind a bunch of stuff my kids don’t want. We have experienced that as a family and I have learned from that.
I couldn’t agree more Candi! Minimalist all the way here! Thanks for your comments.
Rena I didn’t realize your Mum had passed, I’m so sorry for your loss – and the added pain of having to deal with all the “stuff” that’s left behind. I completely agree with you about not wanting to take on the detrious of elderly relatives and fully intend to cull everything we own by the time we’re getting really old (we’re pretty minimalistic already). My MIL is a bit of a hoarder but she’s had to majorally downsize so that has reduced what we’ll have to deal with in a few years’ time.
Hi Leanne, thank you for your kind words. It is I wish more of our seniors would think this way. In our country, most of our parents were born during the Great Depression and so the need to have more and more is a direct root from this. thanks for commenting
My mom collected a ton of stuff but my sister had to deal with most of it. She gave me my mom’s China set which is still sitting in my hutch because there’s only 2 of us at home and we haven’t ever used it. I’m much more of a minimalist and not a clutterer. After my husband died I got rid of a lot of stuff right away because we had to move. I wish I had waited a bit to let things settle first so I could think about it a little first and maybe save a few things for my son who was only 11 at the time. .I would just say if it’s possible, give yourself time to sort things carefully before throwing out.
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It’s a difficult thing for sure. I kept certain things that meant a lot. Her Fiestaware dishes, her jewelry box, etc. Thanks for commenting!
Not a collector. I even clean my clothes closet every couple months to be sure I am not keeping anything I don’t wear.
That’s how I am. Very minimalistic. Clutter makes me twingy! Thanks for commenting.
I’m somewhere in between. I do want some stuff from my parents. However my mother is the OPPOSITE of a pack rat, She threw everything away, But she did manage to blow a ton of money on antiques nobody wants and remodeling a house we can’t sell.
Oh no! My mother never had a lot of money, but she was a collector of everything, but pretty much worthless. Things like sheets (she had something like 40 sets), cat things and every card & paper we had ever given her and with 5 kids that was A LOT! Thanks for commenting.
My mother in law died in November. We had to downsize her twice – once when she had to be moved into an apartment from the house she lived in for 53 years, and then, 3 years later, when she had to go into a nursing home. Now we are left with her stuff and we are also trying to downsize ourselves (lesson learned!) It’s not easy. My son actually took some of her furniture, glassware, etc. which really surprised me – because no one wanted most of her stuff. No one. You are absolutely right.
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We had to do that as well when she moved in with us, but it was a battle and one I didn’t care to fight very often because I knew it was a losing one. Thanks for your comments.
So sorry about your loss Rena. I hadn’t heard either. So hard. I love this little ditty here… Just had this convo with my mom a few months ago. Your iSight is clear!
Thanks so much Emily! I dealt with mom’s stuff for the first three months of this year and it was so stressful. The guilt of not wanting to keep things that they loved (when there are so many) was the biggest part of it.
I know that feeling all to well. Everyone in my family can safely be called “collectors”. I’m definitely not looking forward to the day when I have to curate all of my mothers possessions.
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My mother is a collector. I’m not. It’s not a great site to see.